Moon and Sun
by Hannahsc
Summary: Dun Dun Dun Edwards gone, Jacob leaves Bella Read to find out why! Bella changed but not by anyone you think almost guaruntedsp Who does she run to when she needs help? PLEASE READ AND REVIEW. VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!
1. Dreams

Characters and Myths Included in This Story Belong to Stephanie Meyer.

His angelic face smiled at me as he slowly faded away.

"Bella, why did you dream of me? You know what will happen…what always happens" His perfect face displayed an anguish that contrasted to the sheer beauty of his features.

"Its because you worth it" I whispered reaching out my hand in an attempt to keep him with me, to stop the pain and darkness that was returning. But my hand never touched him and he just stood there watching me as he slowly dimmed away. Now my sun was gone, darkness was all that was left. I refused to open my eyes and acknowledge that the dream was over, it wouldn't postpone my punishment but it helped me keep the ever-perfect image of his face burned into my mind. I curled up into a ball as the pain took over.

_A hole where my heart used to be_

I wouldn't fight back this time, not for Charlie, not for Renee, not even for Him. He had left Me. It was time for me to leave myself. I knew that I would become fully catatonic if I let the darkness engulf me, but I'd rather feel nothing than feel this. I breathed in deeply and screamed in preparation for what I was going to allow myself to become. I began convulsing with tears, _No, _I thought,_ the tears are all that's left inside me, all of me would be nothing... I can't I let them out_.

I don't want to be catatonic. I have to be strong, I decided that I was being dramatic. Not dramatic in my love for Him, but dramatic in even considering leaving Charlie and Renee. The pain that would cause them... My convulutions became stronger as I struggled to fight back, two strong capable hands held me together, I was crying so hard I didn't notice them hold me. I did, however notice the pain begin to leave and my hole began to close slowly, as though the warmth from the hands held the cold from the pain at bay. "NO, Edward, why'd you leave" I let the screams slip, I wasn't supposed to say his name. It was a rule, I knew that, regret for my slip of tongue hit me like a cannon as the hole faught its way back; the strong hands pulled me closer, comforting me with their warmth, it wasn't until I was sure that the hole wasn't coming back tonight that I opened my eyes for the first time that morning.

The bright Fork's sun burned my eyes, those warm hands that saved me once again wiped the tears from my eyes distracting me from my pain for a fraction of a second. I looked at the face watching me,_Jacob_. I smiled, that's Jacob kept the pain away as always. I hugged him tightly and smiled at him. His russet face curled into a smile, allowing his life lines to show. I loved his smile, I looked up to meet his eyes and quickly turned away. His smile didn't reach his eyes, slowly I realyzed that he must have seen my whole episode. I quickly looked away in shame and didn't look back up at him until he pulled me back into him. _Jacob,_ I thought, _my best friend, I Love you._ I contemplated saying those words out loud, but I knew he would get his hopes up. I was incomplete now; I'd never be able to love him like he loved me. I settled with a whispered 'Thank You' and found him nodding. I fell back asleep.

I woke up 2 hours later looked around frantically for Jacob, I began to yell his name but remembered Charlie.

"Did Charlie let him in?" I wondered aloud to myself.

"No." I turned on my heels and saw Jacobs tall frame walking up my stairs towards my room,his grin faded after I ran to him to gigve him another hug. I thought the reason for his serious face was because I had tripped on the hallway carpet on my way to him "I let myself in Bella, you really scared me" He really had seen everything that morning... I quickly tried to lighten the mood.

"Werewolf's? Afraid of me?" He looked at me warningly then told me to go brush and meet him in the kitchen; apparantly, we had plans for the day.

I nodded and gave him one last hug. He was wearing my favorite shirt, long sleeved and brown, a darker chocolate like his eyes. I turned around and walked carefully to my bathroom avoiding another fall. I almost made it all the way to the bathroom when I fell on tripped on one of Charlies slippers. I heard Jake chuckle, beet-faced I closed the door behind me.

I saw my reflection in the mirror and gasped in horror. My normally out of control brown hair had half fallen out of its bun over the night. It wasn't an attractive bun to begin with, perched on the very top of my head with an old elastic band holding it together. I shook my hair out of its current mess and took a look at my face.

No difference there, my eyes were surrounded by dark grey circles that had been there since He left. My cheeks were still sunken in and my eyes dull. I wondered if they were like that even when I was with Jacob. My stomach started to sink as I realized that if I stayed away from Jacob too long, the little happiness I had would soon disapear and I'd be falling back into the whole. Frantic faced and red-eyed I ran into the shower and in what felt like 20 minutes was ready to go out with Jake.

"Wow Bells, most girls take loads of time to get ready!" I found Jake in my kitchen, helping himself to last nights lasagna.

"Jake, what do you mean? I was up there for twenty minutes." I asked shocked, twenty minutes certainly wasn't quick.

"Nope, you've been upstairs for a little over ten minutes."

My face dropped, I smiled unsure of myself. He obviously thought I was in a rush to get back to him, I didn't want him to blur our relationship lines any more. I looked up and a lopsided grin formed on his face.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked, a bit defensive.

"You know you were just too excited to get back to me! Admit it Bells, I have that affect on females, it's nothing to be ashamed of!" I turned beet-red and walked over to him only to wack him over the shoulder, knowing it would hurt him.

"What was that for?!" He asked, his face frozen in disbelief.

"To show you the effect you really have on women." I patted hit his and sat down beside him. "Now, what are you making me for breakfast?" Jakes face changed from disbelief to shock. It was nice keeping him on his toes.

"Are you sure you want a teenage werewolf using any of the heavy machinery in your home?" He retorted, I froze, Jake would probably never have an accident in the kitchen but the mental image of a werewolf wearing an apron and cooking me age rendered me helpless with laughter. Jake stared at me incredulous, wondering why I was laughing, his face made me imagine a werewolf Jake standing in his place with an apron on and that put me over the edge.

"Bella you really are something" Jacob said, shaking his head as he pulled milk out of the fridge and a box of cereal from the cupboard. "Eat I'm watching ESPN in the living room."

"You know, you still haven't even asked what a 15 yr old werewolf was doing in your room this morning when you woke up" Jacob grinned at my forgetfulness. On our way to LaPush

My face became serious as I remember why I didn't ask, "You still haven't asked why I was the way I was this morning, so lets keep it fair" I said, hidden meaning dripping behind my words as I promised him in my mind._ He will NEVER have to see me like that again. It hurts him too much._

Jacob looked at me, pain filling his eyes. He looked so sad for me I fought the urge to reach out and touch his face. His face was so beautiful when it was sad, so human-like and full of flaws; those flaws only made him even more beautiful. After a while of watching each other, I felt butterflies in my stomach and forced myself to turn away. _I'm happy with the relationship we have now_, I convinced myself. . I turned my face away from his just in time to see a cat crossing the road.

"JACOB!! DON'T KILL IT!" I screamed, Jacob looked back at the road and hit the breaks just in time. I wasn't wearing my seat belt and flew towards the front window but I was bounced backwards by myairbags. Jacob however remained in his seat. He opened his seat-belt, took one look at me and jumped out of the car to inspect his tires. Angry with him for not checking on me first I decided to get out of his car and sit outside giving him the cold shoulder. My plan would have worked brilliantly had I not been too weak to unbuckle my seat belt. I struggled with it for at least 15 minutes when Jacob finally came over and swiftly unbuckled my seatbelt and began helping me out of my seat.

As soon as I was out I peeked a glance at him to see if he had realized I wasn't happy with him; he was obviously trying to contain a laugh. I glared at him, _Arrogant Werewolf_ I thought as I stormed away and tripped on a rock in the road. At this Jacob burst out laughing on the hard cement of the road. He was rolling around in ways that would give a normal person rug burn. It made me even madder and I sat down facing opposite Jacob. When he finally calmed down and became silent, I began to wish for the noise of his obnoxious laughter over the dreadful silence; I couldn't hear or see what he was doing and that made me nervous.

"Bellaaa" A sing songy voice called from right behind my ear, I could feel his hot breath on my face and jumped startled, at this he smirked but at the risk of making me madder he contained another laugh and sat down beside me. I glared at him one more time, squinting my eyes for effect. "Bella don't be mad at me! I knew you were okay!! If I thought anything had happened to you, you know I'd have helped you first!"

I turned away, knowing he was telling the truth. My countless accidents on our motorcycles had proven that Jacob was a bit too overprotective. For the principle of it however, I continued to ignore him. Smiling on the inside at my power of him. He made a last attempt at gaining my forgiveness and gave me his puppy dog eyes. I sighed, Jake was like the brother I wish I could have had, I can't say no to those eyes even if he had abandoned me. Knowing he was forgiven Jake said what he'd obviously been wanted to say since the accident.

"To tell you the truth Bells it was irresponsible of me to take you out of the protection of those airbags and expose you to your own clumsiness again. Forgive me?" I laughed, and playfully punched him in the stomach, hard, he pretended to be hurt however and rolled over with the dramatics. "

Your forgiven" I said, I gave in and asked,

"Now, what's the damage to the Rabbit", my curiosity getting the better of me. I knew how much his car meant to him

"I knew you cared Bella!" He said, happy that I asked," Well" He put his arm around my shoulder as we walked back to the car. "The car is fine, but my emotional well-being is a bit scarred from the accident. I need healing". I looked at him, he knew he was pushing his luck but I owed him so much. I would still be in my room rank with pain if not for him. I shook my head telling myself NO don't think of that and walked out from under Jacobs arm to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Better?" I asked, trying to ignore the conscientus voice inside my head telling me lines were blurring,

"Much" My sun responded as we walked back to the car. I noticed my airbag was already put away. I sighed_ why am I always the human?_ I wondered.

Jake heard my sigh, "Bells, I was kidding about keeping you surrounded with an air bag, If you want one though I know a place…." I playfully hit his shoulder and motioned to the drivers seat,

"Where to boss?" I asked.

"Well… the guys and I are getting together at Emily's. I thought we'd go there."

I smiled at the thought, since They left I never felt as good as I do in LaPush. They were my family now, I thought to myself. They Left They never loved me. Jacob and the gang however, would never leave.


	2. 26yrs later

Twenty-Six years later

Damn...I growled to myself. The memory of Jake and I had been so real, I cursed myself silently for being such a fool. I looked out the window of the abandoned shed I was staying and and snarled at the thought of Jake and I touching again. It had been 25 years since he's aknowledged my existance. About a year after our trip to Emilys he stopped talking to me, my growl deepened as I remembered my last argument with Jacob, how naïve I used to be: '

Italics is talking in the flashback

_Who,_ Jake would ask, his eyes full of hatred and betrayal. _Who is more important to you than we are?_ He motioned to the pack behind him, Paul and Embry both shaking menacingly,

_Nobody Jake,_ A tear formed in my eye as I begged my best friend to believe me. My words came out in a whisper. _Why are you doing this to me Jake? You know I would never lie to you?_ I reached out to touch my sun, but he flinched back. Away from me, as though I were the monster. I shivered as a wind blew and a bad scent hit me as well. I growled surprising myself. Jakes beautiful face snapped up, shocked at that animal like sound that came from my direction. He looked past me expecting to see something else there that had made the sound. He had no idea it was from me, and at the time I denied it as well.

_Jake. I swear on all that is holy and good in this world, I swear on everything you mean to me. I even swear on Charlie Jacob. That I have not been anywhere near another vampire outside of yours or the packs knowledge. _ At this point I was on the ground crying. Sobbing would be a better word for it. I watched through my tears as jakes face softened, his eyes filled with forgiveness and love. He made as though to reach out for me, he would have too, but a sharp snarl from Sam brought him back to reality, even Jake's love for me wasn't strong enough for him to stop believing in his instincts.

_BELLS! STOP LYING! I smell it on you, we all do! That sickly sweet smell, it's a vampire that's gotten close enough to touch you. Who Bella?_ Tears filled his eyes as well

_Jake, I'm not lying_

_Bells….I don't ever want you to come near LaPush again. Do you hear me?"_

It wasn't until I graduated from high school that I realized what I was becoming.And many years later that I figured out why

I am now in Volterra, after being called to meet with the Volturi last month. They insisted I take one of their private planes. I refused of course, it was a sick game I played but nevertheless I loved playing it. I would enter areas crowded with humans, resisting the urge to drink from them, only building up my thirst until I found one alone and let loose. The plane ride there was excrutiating, the urge not to attack the humans sitting beside me was too strong to resist.

I knew I would enjoy my dinner even more than usual if I managed to resist. Normally all humans on the plane would have been safe from me, but one foolish male made himself too available. As I got off the plane, in an urge to run out of the airport in superhuman speed before I let that monster I despised take control of me again, a young brunette stopped me and asked my name. I opened my mouth to answer and as soon as I did the smell hit me like a train. I've always been able to control myself for as long as I need to but I had to have him. He must have been around 23 years old. ATtractive by human standards and wearing cologne. Silly human, I thought to myself. The need to humans to wear perfumes always seemed useless to me, considering they smelled so wonderfully delectable on their own

I lured him into a dark alley outside the plane with a seductive smile and had him. I drank from my one thousandth human that day, when I finished my meal I turned to the side and caught my reflection in a mirror. Those wild red eyes shocked me even today. I should despise what I had become but how could I? I had no heart to despise it. I felt nothing, Life had become narrative.

Nothing had descriptions, even though my senses were now heightened as a vampire, colours had lost their intensity, smells had become dulled, and beauty might as well be non-existant for all I have to appreciate it. I stared at my reflection and waited for the remorse to hit. I kept myself hiidden within myself as much as I could. BUt the overwhelming guilt after a kill was too much for even me to surpress.

My eyes looked panicked, rather than their usual emptiness. My brown hair wild, I closed my wild brown hair in a scrunchy and began to close myself up again. I turned away from my reflection and saw the dead mans body. The face I always see after a kill replaced the young mans.

"Edward" I whispered, and stroked his face.

"Im a murderer Edward. Because of you. I'm lifeless Edward, because you left." I sat stroking the dead mans face for ten minutes. until I was finally able to collect myself and use my gift to turn off who I am. I closed my eyes, walked over the mans life-less body as I ran to Volterra to get the meeting over with.

**_Volterra_**

"Hello Bella, dear, when I heard you were in Spain I had to have you stop by!"

"Hello Aro" I said, lifelessly as always .

"Where's Cullen?" Marcus asked, observant as always.

"Not here" I growled at the mention of his name. It was his fault I'm like this.

"You mean to tell me Edward let you come alone? The intensity of your relationship last time we met,…. I never would have thought" Aro trailed on. I opened my eyes, realizing they had still been closed under my glasses.

_I really ought to stop doing that._ I took off my shades and looked around the room. Inhaling a sharp breath as I was attacked by the memory of the last time I was here, with Him.The high ceiling and layout of the room had not changed at all. It was empty now, with only Aro and Marcus sitting at two throne like chairs behind a table. Aro motioned for me to come sit accross from them. I stayed where I was

"Me and Edward have not spoken to each other for 26 years." I said, the usual snarl on my face. I decided to use my gift of heightened perceptivity to measure where this conversation was going.

My gift, I smiled, I love my gift. As a human I was always painfully aware, perceptive, although this only hurt me worse during the period where Edward had left me, It gave me immense power as a Vampire. I've learned to manipulate my gift to get insight to ones thoughts, to decide where ones actions would lead, and most recently I've been able to see what was happening with my eyes closed. I did this often, it helped me keep the Bella with emotions under wraps.

That was another plus to my power. Emotional Bella was an option. I could turn my perceptability on and off. I discovered soon after my transformation finished that I could turn off perceptability to myself. I was no longer connected to my feelings. That was a choice. One that I only chose after kills to keep myself in check–

"Bella, if that's the case, How were you changed? If you don't mind me asking of course" Aro's booming laugh filled the hall, I silently cursed him for interrupting my thoughts and looked at his cold, pale face. His beauty was an attractive one, his laugh was an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. I knew he was only trying to make me smile, _Fat Chance._ I thought. I opened my mouth to answer his question, but quickly closed it again and wondered, I don't have to tell them anything._ Nothing bad will happen._ My gift told me.

I looked at Aro and Marcus, Caius was missing, according to my gift, he was currently taking care of a rogue vampire in Cairo with Jane. I was still facing them, standing at the door at the other end of the carpet.. _Pitiful waste of time. Why am I here? _I wondered turning on my gift to high power to fully understand the situation. I was vaguely aware of Aro's pointless babbling as I tuned into my now on gift, once again closing my eyes._ Hmm, So Aro knew Edward left me? And also that I was a Vampire? So what does he want, oh only to know how I became a vampire, well that shouldn't take long. Might as well get it over with._

"Bella, can you hear me?" Aro asked, full well knowing that I could.

"Yes, I was just-"_Damn I hate having to explain myself, I just wont_ "In answer to your question, Edward changed me. But I don't even think he knows."

I felt Aro's need to interrupt with the age-old question of why and simply raised my hand to stop him mid-word.

"Let me explain. Some drugs are so lethal to humans, that once a human begins using the drug, not only are they psychologically addicted, they are also physically dependant on that substance to stay alive. Most of these drugs are venoms, my theory which is correct, is that vampire venom is a type of such drug. Whenever Edward and I would kiss, I would recieve a small amount of this drug.

"When Edward left, I was 17 years old. When I was 18 however, a pack of werewolves that lives in my vicinity sensed that something about me smelled like a vampire, even though I hadn't been around one for a whole year. That same year, I began to grow very pale, pale like a vampire. When I was 20 I noticed my face had not changed except for continuously becoming paler, since I was 17 years old. When I was 23 I woke up one morning and sparkled in the sun. I had my first urge to drink from a human when I was 25, although I could eat normal food until I was 27.

"My transformation was stretched over 10 years" I paused a second as thoughts and feelings of pity hit me. I quickly rectifyied them, I hate being pityied. "No, it was not as painful a regular vampires transformation, to say the least, there was no fire. There was however great pain everynight, pain which at the time, I attributed to a broken heart. That pain was my transformation" I paused, once more. Waiting for the awkward silence that should have followed. With aro however, every silence must be filled. I made the mistake of answering his next questions before they were asked.

"Yes aro, I am the only vampire to ever be transformed in that way. No I have not told Edward or any of the Cullens because I never really loved them." The mention of their names brought forth a fighting emotional bella from within me. _YOU IDIOT! You loved him more than you love yourself. Don't use that goddamn I was addicted mess on me!! I loved him more than I loved life. I never swapped spit with Alice, and I loved her too! Explain that_ I took a deep breath and locked her back up. I should get rid f her all together, but she was me.

It made me go crazy feeling as though I had too personalities. I was so caught up controlling Emotional Bella (from now on, E.B.) that I forgot about Aro and Marcus. I looked at them and continued before they could ask what I was concentrating on.

"I believe I was only addicted to his venom. My gift Aro is" I contemplated not answering, my gift however told me that would not be smart. I settled with giving him one aspect of my gift,

"Is to read minds. I believe that is because of how much time I spent with Edward." I was lying through my teeth but that was fine with me. I knew if I told them the extent of my gift that they would demand I join them. Saying I read minds was the best lie for me to say. Although i'm 'perceptive' enough to know what ones thinking, I could never tell you the exact words theyre thinking of. SImply paraphrasing was enough for Aro and Marcus. I knew so. Marcus had the next question. Demanding me to prove it. He ofcourse, did not say anything outloud. I answered by looking at him and nodding yes.

His face was not as attractive as Aro, but more a stunning beauty. Like a greek myth. He wondered if I heard. I nodded again. He then lost his train of thought and wondered at how beautiful I am. I smiled, and turned back to Aro. "Is that all?" "Bella. Your story is amazing, you must come visit every three months. We need to study your transformation." I froze. My power was still on high and I sensed the name I've been waiting for for years. I hissed, and jumped on aro, forcing him and his chair backwards. "You ass, you invited him here, you called EDWARD!?!?" My voice was a roar. E.B. and my screaming together. Me at Aro, E.B. at me to run, I let E.B. take over and sprinted as far as I could.

I felt him running towards the hall after hearing my outburst, wondering who could hate him so much as to yell at aro. I cried as a I ran, I cried, loud tearless sobs, I ran to scisily that night. and halfway there I sensed Edward begin to follow me. Once I reached the island I swam until I found a cave underwater, in that cave I stayed that night, i stayed there for a week, until I knew he was gone. WHy did I run like that? Why did he run after me? What would he say? Would he be disgusted at my eating habits? Whats going on with me? I knew something within me had changed because I hadn;t had to ask questions in a decade. My perceptibility always answered them before I finished asking.

Now, however, I was full of questions. Why can't I answer these questions? SImple, my gift told me, because the person who can help you answer them is swimming back to the U.S. as we speak. I felt relief that he was gone, I felt sadness that he had passed, but most of all I felt angered at what my gift told me next, he knew I am a vampiress, and had been for quite a while.


	3. Alice

My anger was shortlived. In the murky, dark waters I saw a human swim towards me before I smelt them, when I did see them my thirst took over, I hadn't fed in a week and was weak because of my recent experiences. I took my 1001 human that day, I'll never forget it, when the remorse took over I was paralysed with grief. I let my granite body sink slowly underwater, I sank, sobbing for what seemed like days. My senses told me I'd been sinking for 3 days. I hadn't been above water for 10 days. I kept sinking until I hit the oceans dark bed, my vision was so strained I closed my eyes and stopped seeing with them, I decided to use my gift instead. I stayed aware for another month under water. Only aware to sense a possible threat or meal, I tried to kill myself with starvation. I knew it wouldn't work, I knew the primal instincts I felt would take over completely near the end. But I played a new sick game and pushed myself to the limit. Using my pain as a way to feel, I just needed to feel something. It was on my 43rd day underwater that I felt a large mammal coming my way. It was something immense, no threat to me but king of the ocean, an animal that lived so far in the deep that it had still not been discovered by humans or vampirekind. I feasted that night on the equivalent of 100 lions. No remorse hit me, for it wasn't human. I wondered at the cullens lifestyle for the millionth time, thinking if only I could try it again, but remembered with a shiver the last time I tried and quickly shook away the silly idea. I began to surface feeling satiated, when my head broke the ocean I froze…_ALICE_ E.B. screamed out…. My gifts had been working higher than they ever had in the ocean deep, they were on so high that I didn't even need to think to get answers, everything hit me at once. Alice had seen me at the Volturi, her first vision of me in 26 years. They all came to italy with Edward who had been called. Alice saw me under the ocean lifeless, and ran to the place where Edward had lost my trail. Everybody was with them, including Rosalie. I scowled and E.B. screamed in pain, Jasper and Alice who were the nearest to me at the time heard. Their heads whipped around, and my gift told me it would be futile to attempt to run. So I waded in the water for the longest seconds of my life as Alice reached me. She looked like she always had. So graceful and loving, Jasper looked confused, my gift told me he felt so many emotions coming from me, ones even he didn't have words to describe. I snarled at E.B. and put her away, checking on Jasper with my senses and learned that now all he felt coming from me was hunger, the only emotion I couldn't keep away. He looked up at me confused, his blond eyes full of concern and worry. He kept his distance as Alice swam to me and hugged me, my first contact with a nother being that I was not going to kill in over two decades. If I could cry I would have, but I didn't put my arms around Alice like I wanted to, I reasoned with myself for the shortest of seconds before I put E.B. away one last time, _They left me._ Who cares, I don't love them._ We loved Alice and Jasper and Emmet! I did so much. They only left cuz of Edward._ I don't love them._ Then why are you letting her hug you for so long?_ I stiffened and snarled, pushing alice off of me, and closing up myself to my emotions.

"Alice, Jasper" I acknowledged them non chalantly, Hurt and despair flying off Alice in missles, I looked at Jasper, now knowing how it feels to be perceptive to others feelings, I felt bad for him because he had to feel them as well. "Its nice to see you. Now when will you be leaving this time?" I bit my tongue after saying these words. _You don't have to be so heartless_ E.B. let me know. Why couldn't I control her today!?? I wondered…my gift told me its because even I couldn't handle all the feelings I'm experiencing right now. I settled with closing them off from Jaspers awareness, using my gift to manipulate anothers perceptibility.

"Bella-" Alice stuttered stupidly, _I stil love Alice,_ E.B realized for us both. I automatically felt remorse at making her feel as awful as she did now, it was close to the pain Edward had caused me as a human. I hugged her as hard as I could, and tried to convey how much I needed them in my eyes while at the same time, asking them to leave. I was afraid of not being to control E.B. again, it had been so long since I was forced to feel any emotion.

"Please leave now" I asked, not being able to look into her eyes, I turned as fast as I could and dived to go back into the deep when a pair of large, strong hands grabbed me and pulled me back up. Why didn't I sense Emmet? I asked with irritation at my gift. _Because you werent paying attention._ I turned my gift back onto high and pushed Emmet off me. He was still the same teddy bear he always was, feeling excitement and happiness at seeing me again, _Honestly, is this guy ever sad?_ I wondered to myself and became irritated as I realized he meant to hug me again, As he grabbed me in his arms one more time however, I surprised even myself as I smiled, laughed a bit when he threw me up. I sensed Alice wonder if that meant everything was going be okay. I growled at the thought. I looked at her when I landed back into the water and snarled,

"Never think that, that will never happen for me" I shocked myself with my hostility and quickly continued when I felt the remorse overtake her again. "I love you Alice, I love you all but just know, this is all there is for me," and I plunged back into the deep, only very aware that Edward was watching the whole interaction from a cliff in the distance. I reached the bottom in only 2 days. I used my gift to make sure the Cullens had all left, when I was sure they would not be bothering me, I turned off all my senses and my gift, not caring anymore what happened to me. Turning my gift off, however allowed me to become Bella again. Not part Bella, not E.B just one Bella, and all the pain I had kept from myself for the past decade hit me at once. I let loose and cried such louds tearless sobs, any animal within leagues of me ran even further away; I knew they could hear me on the shore but as long as the Cullens couldn't, I no longer cared. After day 3 of crying I sat up straight and took a meditation like pose. I used my gift to block even my instinctive senses, of smell and touch. A boulder could be thrown past me right now and I would have no idea. I kept my eyes closed and meditated until my thirst could no longer be blocked. Thankfully, that large mammal I had ate from before was there again. I fed then allowed myself to meditate again. Turning on my gift only every once in a while to learn how much time had passed. After the third week, I learned more than what day it was, I had visitors.

I turned around to an expectant Alice and Jasper. I gave them a death glare I doubt they could see underwater than turned my gift on high to learn everything. They had been here for three days, Alice planned on never leaving again until I said things were gunna be okay. Even then she would only be miles away at a time. Jasper cared about me too, but refused to leave Alice alone. I felt so much love radiating from them in the second it took for them to realize I was 'awake' that I couldn't help myself and grabbed Alice Cullen into a hug and dry sobbed until I had nothing left in me. To my surprise, it wasn't the nothing I was used to after a good cry, it was the nothing that signified no more hurt was inside me but I still felt other things. I felt regret, and happiness. The latter one I haven't truly experienced since the little pixie in my arms first left. I righted myself and sensed a herd of the delectable mammals 100 miles away. I grabbed Alice;s hand in my right hand and grabbed Jasper's with my left and led them to the herd. After we were all satiated we returned to my new spot and sat in a circle. I was so emotional that day I don't remember many details. I could if I consulted my gift but I'm afraid of regretting it so I keep the details hidden from myself. That night however, I told Alice and Jasper everything about my life, leaving out only who had Changed me and How it happened. They only knew that I had to leave home at 25 years old, 16 years ago, and I had been alone ever since. I told them of my gift, my two Bellas and I learned about their lives for the past 26 years. Alice and Jasper had been searching for me for the past 6 years. If I was happy, they would leave me be, but if there was anything wrong with my life they would help me all they could. I hugged them both longer than I've ever hugged a soul, even in my human life and we all swam to shore together.

"Alice, why did you leave?" I asked, I knew the answer but I had to hear it from her. That SHE still loved me, that Jasper never hated me.

"Edward" She snarled "He thought it best for you"

Not the answer I wanted it…

"So you don't hate me?" I looked at her, my eyes filled with tears that would never fall

"Bella Marie Swan" Jasper was now speaking. I never spoke to him much in my human years but after the days events, I felt as close to him as I was to Alice, I looked at him waiting for his answer. "We never have and never will hate you. You are our sister for godsakes" He pulled me into a hug and for the fourth time in 24 hours I cried. " this is so frustrating" I looked at Jasper waiting to hear what was wrong. "I see your emotions clearly on your face but I can't sense them!" He put his pale hands in his face with frustration, his blond hair fallen through the cracks of his fingers. I laughed

"Its cuz I closed my feelings off. I do that a lot, when I can't handle them" I slowly lifted the ban on my feelings to him and regretted it almost instantaneously. In that moment, Jasper received such an intimate look at who I was that I felt vulnerable and he looked like he was in pain. He doubled over and I quickly closed my feelings again..

"I'm sorry" I whispered my voice terrifyied. Alice ran to her mate and held him on her lap. His eyes were still closed as he fought to forget the pain that was my existence. Alice turned to me, pity in her eyes. My perfect day was ruined. I hated being pityed and I hated that I had hurt Jasper. _IDIOT! _ I screamed at myself_ You couldn't handle your own feelings half the time, you tried to and you became this monster of monsters. How dare you give them to Jasper. Leave them now go back to your lonely existence…leech._ My gift stopped me from running however, Jasper wasn't mad and despite the look in her eyes Alice wasn't pitying me. Jasper didn't feel the anger and pity that he should have. Instead he was promising himself he'd never let me get hurt again, and a wave of brotherly affection hit me from his direction. Alice was blaming herself, pitying Edward for being such a fool for leaving me. I wasn't worried about Edward now, my day was still perfect The first happy day I have had in 26 years. I knelt down to my brother and sister and thanked them for their kindness. I gave jasper a kiss on the cheek and a hug than turned to do the same for Alice. I turned to begin running but was stopped by a hand on my arm. I looked down and saw a fairly like Alice holding me with a strength I was surprised she could manage.

"Alice, don't think I can go home with you. Jasper knows what I feel, that's how I am 24/7. Today was a fluke, I cant be around people or other vampires. I feed from people alice did you know that? I'm a monster. I murder for fun, I play sick games in order to feel something. Alice I'm not the Bella I once was. I miss that Bella as much as you do. I wish I could be happy, but I don't deserve to be. I don't deserve your kindness. " What Alice did next was so unexpected even my gift didn't give me warning. She slapped me. She slapped me out of my self-pity and my guilt and came and hugged me tight.

"Silly, your coming home with me and Jasper. We have a home down the way that is currently empty."

"but alice…"

She seemed to know what I was worried about.

"Its empty of everybody. We'll be the only ones there, and don't lie silly you're eyes are as topaz as mine and jaspers." I smiled at that. It had been almost two months that I ate from a human, my eyes must reflect that. Jasper stood up and took my right hand, Alice took my left and we ran to their home, my new home.

AHHH> WILL EDWARD AND BELLA GET bACK TOGETHER!?!?? WHY HASN'T EDWARD TALKED TO BELLA? REVIEW BEFORE I POST CHAPTER 4!! Thnk you all so much, I really appreciate your reviews hahah all three <3 


	4. Chapter 4

As we ran farther and farther away from my ocean paradise, we reached a forest filled with tall trees. I began to feel what I should have felt when I first saw Alice and Jasper Cullen. Pain. Pain like no vampire has ever experienced before. The second it hit me, Jasper doubled over. Alice ran back to help him, and I scolded myself for not closing off my feelings properly. I looked over at Jasper apologetically, and muttered that he must have tripped on a rock. Jasper locked eyes with me and understood that noone else must know how much pain I'm in. He nodded to me and I briefly made the excuse that I'd leave them some private time and ran up a tree three miles away. I sat on one of the higher branches and turned my power on. I let a portion of emotional Bella out and listened to her rant.

"_Idiot. Even I agree to close me off when Jaspers around. What the hell are you thinking?"_

"I'm thinking you're the only reason why I feel that way"

"_We both know you would never close me off if it weren't for that ass hole. How could he leave me? Alice let him hurt me. Jasper let him hurt me. No matter what I say about how much I love them, no matter how true that might be. I cannot let them hurt me again."_

"I don't want to be hurt like that. But I can't run now. That would hurt Alice."

"_Oh dear god, don't let us hurt Alice"_ I winced. Not because of the sarcasm, but because there was no sarcasm. As much as they let me hurt, I still shuddered to think about hurting them. I decided I'd protect myself against all hurt and concocted a plan.

"_Do it. Do it now. I'll see you again when the time is right."_

I closed E.B. off as tightly as I could. Knowing only the amount of confusion and despair going on within me could drive me to actually given my psyche two personas. I then turned my power on high and sighed. As much as I loved my power I hated its limitations. Alice knew where a persons decisions would lead. I only knew what their decisions were, He used to read others thoughts. I could only gauge what they were thinking about and their opinions. My power was more meant for somebody who fought wars, who reveled in knowing everything about a situation before they were told. For the past 26 years I only truly needed it twice, when I wanted to know how I became a vampire and when I first sensed why the Cullens were in my haven. I could also sense a persons feelings at the time, and whether they were true or not. But only as long as the person themselves believed it. I knew Alice and Jasper believed they really loved me, but did Alice not love me last time they left?

"Shes around here somewhere" It was Alice. I turned silently in my tree and realized they didn't know where I was. My scent was all over the place. Alice stopped walking and looked at Jasper, she spoke too fast and low for me to hear at a distance. I knew what she was saying though. She was asking Jasper when Edward would show up. Jasper was answering 'soon'. I threw myself from my tree and unwillingly let out a cry of anguish.

"NO! I WILL NOT BE ANYWHERE AROUND HIM! YOU LIED TO ME ALICE AND JASPER CULLEN! HOW DARE YOU!" I was now growling at them. "You let him hurt me once Alice, and you say you loved me. Would you let him hurt me again?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I turned on my feet and ran deeper into the forest. I ran as fast as I can. I tried to get away from Alice and Jasper but it was futile. I could sense where they were going to try and ambush me, but Alice could See where I was turning. I gave up after a while and turned to face them. Alice stopped running only to have Jaspers tall frame hit hers and Jasper was thrown back by his momentum. Alice might only be 2/3 of Jaspers height but she really was formidable. I growled

"What"

"Bella, don't run. We won't let him come. I really can't lose you again. You have the luxury of hiding from your feelings. If you leave me again I'll have to face my own 24/7. So will Jasper."

"WHAT!?" My voice high pitched and frantic. I did something I've never done before. I knew I couldn't risk getting hurt or hurting Alice so I closed off everyone of my damn feelings. I was officially feelingless. I never done it before because of a fear that I'd be so cold and nonfeeling that I would never let my emotions back out. I didn't care now, to say what I wanted to say next non-feeling was exactly what I needed,

"Alice Cullen. You seem to be utterly mistaken." Even Jasper was shocked at the lack of emotion in my voice. "Alice, you left me. I was abandoned not only by my boyfriend but by my best friend. Don't you dare call what I do a luxury. It's a last resort. My feelings are a part of me. How could you not understand that? Your mate is an empath and you don't fully grasp the importance of emotions to ones soul? My first year as a vampire I killed 200 humans. My gift allowed me to understand their fear, their concern for their loved ones. Yet I allowed myself to become a monster because my instinct closed off my emotions for them. My worst kill made me try to be like you… you… cullens" I spat their name like an insult. "I killed a foster mother, who was raising 6 toddlers at once. She was on her way home from her 4th job when I killed her. All she could think about was who would take care of her babies. Even as my teeth sunk into her, all she could think about was her family. I didn't even know people that beautiful existed yet I killed her regardless. I am stuck alone to face my conscience every single time. After that poor woman I tried to resist humans. I lasted three weeks until killing another. I tried to starve myself, I was almost successful in killing shocking my body into a Vampire comatose. My gift told me it was coming, no vampire has ever accomplished it before. I was without a single meal for 7 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. A young couple drove by the abandoned farm I was in, and I had no control. I was stuck alone because of you Alice. Alone, and hating myself. Nobody was there for me, your family made me what I am. Edward was right, we are all monsters. I used to believe your family was different, but you're no better than the monsters like me and James who kill innocents because you did worse than kill an innocent. You're actions have denied her the peace that comes with death. Even though I've excepted an eternity of emotionless pain. I refuse to accept any help from those who've condemned me to it. I'm sorry I thought I could handle being around you two. But I'm glad I realized my mistake before you brought him back into my life". At that I turned and ran, I knew they wouldn't follow me. I rationalized that if I had any emotions in me I'd feel guilty. But I didn't feel a single thing as I heard Alice explode into sobs behind me and Jasper cry out in the pain that his little wife was experiencing.


	5. Alice's POV

Alices POV

"No…" Where are those cries coming from? "Jasper" Why is that sad girl screaming Jaspers name? A convolution shook my body. _Oh dear god, that's me. Why would Bella say such horrible things._

_God, I'm a monster. How could I do this to her. THAT IDIOT EDWARD!_

That was the last sensible thought I could manage when I let my tearless sobs take over mybody completely. By sundown, I had finally calmed down. I looked at my surroundings. We were no longer in the forests, Jasper had somehow managed to fight my pain and bring me home. I was laying in Jaspers tight grip, we were on the bed in the only room in the house. The doors were all opened to outdoors and the wooden walls of the master/only bedroom calmed me, nature always calmed me, that's why we bought this place. I looked up at Jasper. His eyes were closed, I knew he was only replaying the scene from today over and over again in his head.

"Why" he muttered when he finally noticed I was awake. I stared into his topaz eyes and found comfort by merely making eye contact. We didn't need to speak much anymore to comfort each other. I could met his eyes and get lost into them, vaguely realizing he was watching me intently and doing the same.

"I have to do something."

"No" Jasper pulled me in close. "I don't ever want you getting hurt like that again."

"Like I hurt her?" Jasper just pulled me inhumanly closer still and hugged me tight. "We'll find her. Don't worry-" What he was going to say next was lost because I started having another vision. I hated visions that cut into my time with Jasper. I almost pushed it away but realized it was of Edward.

_He walked through the open doors of Jaspers and My home only to find us on the couch, in the positions we were in now, waiting for him._

"_Where is she?" His voice was even and calm, but his face was full of anxiety and sadness. His eyes were like two black pools of hurt. If hurt was a liquid that is._

"_Please Edward." Jasper answered for me. Even though I was expecting his arrival and question I still couldn't find strength to explain. _

"_Bella left" Jasper went on. "She ran away from us in the woods." _

"_Why are you blocking your minds from me? I want to know what happened!" Edward had fallen to the floor, and curled up by the wall, all sense self-respect gone. But that happened when you're in love, you lose your heart along with your dignity. My heart fell for my brother and I stopped reciting Jaspers name in my head long enough for Edward to realize I was no longer blocking him out._

_Only because you'll see it sooner or later. But Edward, promise me you wont hate me for showing you this? I can't deal with hurting anybody else today. I'm only showing you because I hope its for the best_

My eyes opened to a Jasper patiently waiting for my vision to end to hear what had happened.

"He's coming Jasper…Edward is coming".


	6. Edwards POV

Edward

She is alive. Three words have never brought me as much pain and pure joy before. My reason for existence is still here. I no longer have to be empty. I cringed as I remember the pure sorrow that I felt without Bella at my side. For twenty-six years I have been an empty shell. Devoid of even the most primitive cognitive abilities, I was like the living dead for nearly two decades. I smirked at the pun, living dead was undeniably an understatement but summed up the past 26 years of my existence quite well.

It would be a lie to call it an existence. I barely existed; I've only been with the family for the past 3 years. I shuddered as I remembered how I would, for lack of a better term, stalk Bella. For continual lack of a better term, my obsession for her grew dangerous to all those by her side. I would stop by everyday, allowing myself only one hour of watching her, one hour indulging my selfish nature but nothing more to punish it. I told myself that at the first sign of her unhappiness I would intervene. I watched everyday, as she grew closer and laughed by the side of a werewolf. I spat, loathing myself even more. I only ever saw Bella by that dog's side. I only ever allowed myself to visit her with him there as an incentive to not interfere. I saw their relationship grow until the day I couldn't allow myself to anymore.

Just past the borderline, Jacob and Bella were in a car accident, a minor one, involving the smallest of cats. I'm a bit fuzzy on the details because, as always, I was too engrossed in finding excuses to reveal myself to Bella. It was tortuous seeing her in her utter perfection everyday, but not being able to touch the one I could once claim as mine. The hardest thing I've ever had to do, second only to leaving my love, was not running to the truck and making sure Bella was okay. I fought with my subconscious on the issue; I fought with my instincts; and I fought with my non-existent heart. How could I continue to follow her life if every time something happens I have to fight this battle within myself to not interfere? As Jacob Black raised an awfully smelly hand to help the fragile and beautiful Bella Swan out of his car that day, I ran back to the Cullen home, knowing I was leaving Bella in safe, no matter how gruesome, hands.

Now, I learn that she has been made undead, never to blush again, never to feel warmth. It makes me want to kill the person who changed her and left her alone. What kind of a heartless bastard can change such a wonderful human and then leave her to her own devices? The image of her beautiful, pale face with stark red eyes from Aro's mind haunted me. My beautiful Bella became a murderer. She has become unpure and a monster.

No. She wasn't a monster, she was merely unguided. But she knew the alternatives; she practically lived with us for a year, if anything she knew about the vegetarian way of live more than the regular vampire way of life at the time of her transformation. When was she transformed? Her face seemed to be a mirror image in age from when I last saw her. How could she have been changed so soon after I left? By whom? Tired of questions without answers, I decided to visit the only one with answers. The one my heart has ached to see for the past two months. My fear of rejection has kept me away from her too long. It doesn't matter if she doesn't love me anymore, after what I did to her how could she? It's quite evident that she doesn't love me; she would have searched for us when she was changed had she wished.

She didn't love me, that much was obvious. But if she could hear me tell her the truth, that I really love her and never stopped, my heart could find some solace. I jumped up and began running, towards Alice and Jaspers home. How could Bella ever have believed so easily that I didn't love her? She always believed that she wasn't worthy of me. I scoffed, her flawless, faultless features still rang sharp in my mind every time I closed my eyes. She was the epitome of beauty; I was not worthy of her. I was merely a monster, I was a creature of nightmares and this angel of dreams wanted me. What a cruel world to make my one true love a human whose beauty matched that of my own kind. A human whose only hope at happiness was without me. I battled my selfishness for years, keeping myself away from her. Something always stopped me from running back to her. I don't know what it was, maybe my pitiful nature or my concern for her happiness.

I regret it now though. What I did regret however was questionable. Did I regret not saving her from being changed, or merely not being there when it happened? Oh how I loathed my egocentricity, what was it to me that Bella's life had been turned upside down by vampires if it meant I had a chance with her? Was that how little I loved her, that her interest meant nothing as long as I could have her? Or was it how much I loved her, that whatever was in her interests was nothing compared to staying with me? A man in love is nothing without his woman. A vampire in love is as empty as a vacuum without his mate.

I threw the door to their cottage open and found Alice and Jasper cuddled together on the sofa. Surprise was not one of the many emotions playing on their faces. Alice had Seen me coming.

_He's going to ask any second now. I know I decided to tell him in my vision, but what if I changed that? What if I said I knew nothing? I wont tell him where she is. I can't cause him that kind of pain. _Alice planned on keeping something from me, her small frame radiated indecision. Alice's face contorted into vision-mode and I saw what she saw.

"_I won't tell you where she is." I saw Alice telling me, "I'm sorry"_

_My face contorted into the most terrifying snarl I had ever seen myself make. I pounced on Alice only to be attacked by Jasper. _

"_Alice, if you ever plan on seeing me alive again, don't let me lose her twice" My voice dripped with pain I never showed. _

The vision ended with my face contorted into that terrifying snarl and Alice staring at me in shock. Jasper stood, ready to attack if necessary, and Alice held out a hand.

"Stop. I'll show you Edward." Alice's face held understanding and love, she truly was my sister in all ways that mattered. Jasper relaxed his stance, and walked over to me. He easily guided me to the seat that he and Alice were occupying just minutes earlier. I turned to face Alice and braced myself for the worst.

A tear dropped from Alice's eye as she recalled the happenings of earlier that day. Bella's beautiful face went from sad to devoid of emotion in a matter of nano-seconds. Her icy skin resembling snow as it formed a structured, more robotic expression. The words that came out of her mouth were emotionless in a way even Carlisle could never imagine possible. It was as though the loving, trusting human I had loved had truly lost her soul during the transformation. My initial shock was overshadowed by my realization that vampires must have souls, because what Bella had become in front of my, well Alice's eyes, was a truly soulless creature.

"Alice Cullen. You seem to be utterly mistaken." The tone seemed so misplaced on my angels' lips, regardless of her facial expression. "Alice, you left me. I was abandoned not only by my boyfriend but also by my best friend. Don't you dare call what I do a luxury. It's a last resort. My feelings are a part of me. How could you not understand that? Your mate is an empath and you don't fully grasp the importance of emotions to ones soul? My first year as a vampire I killed 200 humans. My gift allowed me to understand their fear, their concern for their loved ones. Yet I allowed myself to become a monster because my instinct closed off my emotions for them. My worst kill made me try to be like you… you… Cullen's" I felt myself fall to the floor. I was too engrossed in Alice's memory to do the smart thing and ask her to stop. The pain I was causing myself and Alice by reliving this seemed deserved and necessary, my Angel spat with true malice, the only emotion portrayed in this memory of her, at the mention of our families name. "I killed a foster mother, who was raising 6 toddlers at once. She was on her way home from her 4th job when I killed her. All she could think about was who would take care of her babies. Even as my teeth sunk into her, all she could think about was her family. I didn't even know people that beautiful existed yet I killed her regardless. I am stuck alone to face my conscience every single time. After that poor woman I tried to resist humans. I lasted three weeks until killing another. I tried to starve myself, I was almost successful in killing shocking my body into a Vampire comatose. My gift told me it was coming; no vampire has ever accomplished it before. I was without a single meal for 7 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. A young couple drove by the abandoned farm I was in, and I had no control. I was stuck alone because of you Alice. Alone, and hating myself. Nobody was there for me; your family made me what I am. Edward was right, we are all monsters. I used to believe your family was different, but you're no better than the monsters like James and me who kill innocents because you did worse than kill an innocent. You're actions have denied her the peace that comes with death. Even though I've accepted an eternity of emotionless pain. I refuse to accept any help from those who've condemned me to it. I'm sorry I thought I could handle being around you two. But I'm glad I realized my mistake before you brought him back into my life"

Even the artificial wave of calm that flowed into my body couldn't take the edge of my emotions. It only helped me experience them fuller. Jasper realized this and edged off, allowing me to experience the full impact of my angels' words.

I would be lying if I even claimed to resemble a living creature in the weeks that followed. I remained immobile on the couch of Alice and Jaspers home, moving only through my tears. I was vaguely aware of large, familiar hands moving me from the sofa to a bed, it was only then that I realized Rosalie and Emmet had come. Was I that bad? That Rosalie and Emmet cut short their honeymoon? Or was their honeymoon over now, could it really have been 4 months since my trip to Volterra?

I began to gather myself over the next few weeks. My tears grew infrequent; the pauses between sobs grew longer. Time began to move again. I only got up when I smelled a deer in the woods by the house. I would have ignored it and stayed in bed longer but primal instincts overtook me and I fed myself. It was during that feeding that the most wonderful scent found me; a scent richer than that of human blood, more enticing than that of my human Bella. I had found my second singer. If I were in any suitable condition I would have run back home and fought the urge to kill an innocent, but I had already let my instincts take over during my hunt and my thirst was still ridiculously strong. The poor human would die and they had no idea.

I stalked carefully toward my victim as conflicting thoughts fought in my mind. Carlisle's' pleasant and trusting face stood at the forefront of them all. My own face, distorted by the feral scowl I continuously wore in my rebellious days juxtaposed Carlisle's'. I knew which face should logically win, but once my instincts take over I have no logical mind. I crept close enough to see the girl. Another female singer, better for her that I kill her now than do what I did to Bella. Bella's words echoed in my head, she blamed us for her new existence; blamed me especially. I really was a monster. I froze as my victim turned around; I fell to my knees in disbelief.


	7. Bella's Time Away

BPOV.

If I were normal right now I would have ran, ran faster than I had thought possible. I never would have stopped until I reached my undereground oasis. But at the time, I was the furthest thing from normal. It was weird having no feelings, I'd like to say it felt like a part of me was missing but I can't. I recognized a part of me was missing, I recognized I had just thing the one thing that would break me further from the sad pathetic thing I already was. I recognized it all, acknowledged every bit of the situation, but with a total and unbelievably dead mind frame. Nothing I recognized was inconviently attached with bothersome emotions. I even slowed to a walk when I heard dear Alice Cullen crying. It was bizarre, knowing she was dear to me and I was causing her pain but I felt absolutely nothing towards it. Sort of like a human scientist studying cells. They recognize the cells as living things, but other than an intrigued frame of mind, no feelings are attached with the objects of study. I was the scientist and the world was my study.

I fed in an alley when I reached town and made sure to pick a victim with sunglasses. I 'recognized' I'd need them to get anywhere in town. I then recognized that I would normally play my little game, where I turn off my perception of hunger and test myself with humans. But with this new Bella there were no games, I vaguely acknowledged that as a good thing and hailed a cab. The cab driver was in his mid 20's, a strikingly good looking human. Indifferently I realized most Italians were, and directed him to the nearest airport while he talked to me in Italian. I understood everything he said but didn't bother answering, it was pointless. Life was pointless in my current state. Humans only reason to live is to reproduce, but as a vampire we don't reproduce. I guess we control human reproduction. This young man obviously had a flirtatious way with women. He wasn't a jerk, I perceived that right away, he was the man every human girl would love, sensitive and loving. When he fell in love he would give his whole heart. He understood what it meant to be hurt and he would make any girl lucky enough to be with him happy. That, and he would also have as many kids as he could get with his mate. Consequently, when we reached the airport said man became my meal. I was only serving my purpose.

I continued, eating and traveling for the next few months, I lost track when I landed in France. My eyes remained a bright red under my sunglasses, it was exceedingly easy for me to make people perceive things. I never once was even asked for a ticket in recent trips. The trip I was on now was to Italy. I closed my eyes under my glasses and inhaled the wonderful smell of blood that was all around me. I wondered if I could get the pilot to land on a remote island so I can feed. I excersized the thought while I wondered about the extent of my power. I had been too busy either handling my emotions or dealing with them the past years to realize what my gift truly was. When I told Jasper and Alice about it, I merely said I have heightened perceptibility and I can change how others perceive things. I thought my power was so limitless, I've used my power many times since then . I can only change the perceptibility of Humans. Vampires don't use their ability of perception as much as our prey. We were predators, and our instincts used conclusive and belief-based frames of mind, rather than perception. Humans only perceive tables to be brown, or the sky to be blue. Our heightened awareness told us how things really were. It was only in non-conclusive matters that I could change perception. Vampire gifts for example are still not fully understood, by others that is. I knew a vampire gift depended not on who you were as a human, but by a percentage of occurrences of a certain genes in your DNA. I have high occurrence of it, as does Edward and Alice. Our abilities were seen in our human years because of that occurrence. As a vampire, everything is enhanced, including gene occurrences. We have 100,046 chromosomes in our body, as opposed to the human 46. Every vampire displays some significant occurrence of that gene, but if they had very small amounts of it in their human life, their gifts were so subtle even they can't detect it. The type of gene most represented reflects the power you have. Since vampires don't know this, a gift is considered a perception, meaning I can amplify or decrease anothers gift.

The night I realized that was quite 'recognizably' funny. Another vampire approached me in Holland, right after I had fed. He was extremely attracted in me and wanted me to be my mate from the minute he saw me. I attempted to lesson his perception of me so I could leave without much of a fuss, but when I couldn't change the amount of pure love radiating from him I figured it must be true. Having no feelings on the matter, helped when later that night I figured out that I couldn't affect him at all, not because of his destined love for me, but because of the nature of love. I left, instantly; he however had fallen even more in love with me when he realized how devoid I was of feeling. I only let a bit out that night to make mating more enjoyable. I'm aware he'll come back for me, but who cares at this point-

It hit me, my rambling thoughts were cornered against the most irresistible smell in the world, My singer, I realized. But she, my senses told me, was already dead; The faint smell was used almost. I jumped from my seat and turned off my sense of hunger so I would have some level of control. I followed the smell, truly a predator, and came upon a young girl, 14 maybe 15 years. I amplified my perceptive power and asked her whose clothes she was wearing. An over sized sweater, clearly the source of the delectable smell. I knew the answer before she spoke of course. Her mother. I had to have her, the mom that is. I used my perceptive powers and a few questions now and again to find an address. It was in Sicily. Damn, I'd have to go back. My feelingless state even acknowledged being anywhere near the Cullens was ridiculous but I had to have her mother. As soon as the plane landed I caught a cab and fed on the driver after my ride was done. I was beginning to feel like I had been cutting a lot of fares lately. I ran with all my strength to the womans home in the woods. Too close to Alice and Jasper for comfort, but at this point my sense of hunger was insane with its desperation. I found her alone, watering her garden, not even vaguely aware that her death would reach her before her daughter wood.

I let loose my sense of hunger full blast so I would fully enjoy this meal. I grabbed the woman and drank from her neck before she could utter a scream. The blood was so soothing so delectable, as if made just for me. Edward was a brave fool to resist mine, I acknowledged and drank from the womans arms and legs. I hadn't killed her, the blood loss killed her. I would in no way shape or form ruin such an amazing meal by letting it loose its heat.

I was almost finished my meal, the blood already beginning to pollute itself with rigor mortis when I heard a growl behind me. I ignored it. No silly territorial vampire was going to stop me from finishing this meal. My perception telling me the only thing this vampire was mad about was the meal he had lost out on. I soon realized I had jumped to a conclusion, he thought I was the meal, he smelled the blood and wanted to eat me! How juvenile. He was on instinct mode so his cognitive thinking must have given way to his instinctive 'must feed' mind set. I turned around, still not letting him see the womans body and watched as his face froze, instantly becoming sober the topaz colour of a vegetarian returning to his eyes. I tossed the womans corpse at him and smiled sweetly.

"Wanted her did you?" I realized he was shocked without even using my powers. It was evident on his face. I walked over to where I threw the womans body at his feet and drank from her, keeping the last cup of blood in my mouth. I spit it at Edwards feet before I walked passed him.

"Sorry, shes all gone now." And I sauntered off, fast walking at vampire speed for the span of 2 football yards until I was stopped again.


End file.
